Girl Once Wild

The new HBO series, Girls, has taken a beating from the media since its opening episode a few weeks ago. I watched the first show (HBO released it to YouTube if you’re inclined) and while I won’t likely watch it again, something about it caught my interest.

The topic doesn’t have to do with wild young adults - it has to do with what I think of as normal behavior in girls. That is, girls engaging in intimate, non-sexual behavior together. Critics were all over the show about the unrealistic nature of a few of its scenes. 

For example - Two of the characters, roommates and friends, are shown cuddling in bed together. In another scene, the main character is taking a bath while her friend sits on the edge of the tub shaving her legs. Later, two girlfriends have a conversation in a bathroom while one is peeing.

I don’t know about anyone else, but all three scenes remind me of my girlhood. I used to think it had to do with being in the arts, but maybe I’m wrong. During rehearsals for the high school musical, my girlfriends and I exchanged long, elaborate back massages. We snuggled in the auditorium, lounging on each other while we waited for our turn on stage. I’d play with a friend’s hair while someone else scratched my back. It was sweet, innocent, non-sexual, and carried on into our young adult years. 

In between dance classes we must have been channeling our future old-lady-in-the-locker-room behavior, changing in front of each other, chatting without wearing clothes and using the bathroom together. We were close, not just emotionally but physically as well.

I’m curious if this kind of behavior stemmed from the openness often associated with the arts. More than that, I’m curious if women in general can relate. I can’t imagine I am alone in this. In childhood, girls embrace each other with ease, share secrets under the covers of their beds, and tickle each other until breathless from laughter. When does this behavior stop? Maybe it goes on longer than the critics of Girls might think. 

I can’t personally comment on other aspects of the show that continue to draw criticism from viewers. Do people drink opium? Not sure. Are many girls these days financially supported by their parents after college? I don’t know the statistics. What about eating cupcakes in the bathtub? Not me, but who knows.

I do know that my young adult girlfriends provided me not only emotional support in their friendships, but also loving, physical compassion in the form of actual touch. Was/Is it odd or unusual? I doubt it. 

Even boring stories like the one I’m about to share never cease to amaze me. It’s Rihanna. She went on a lavish beach vacation and upon her return - or quite possibly before she actually returned - she posted close to 100 pictures of her half naked self for the world to see.

The “story” pulled at my attention seeking heart strings. I saw my former self in her, although I never took such an opulent vacation. Also, when I used my body for attention, it wasn’t yet popular to take pictures of every single event or non-event in my life. Thank goodness. 

Most of the photos picture Rihanna in a string bikini, of course. In some she’s topless, sheepishly covering her breasts with her hands. In a few, she’s fully clothed, posing sensually on horseback with her thong creeping up from her low rise jeans. 

She’s mastered the kissy face and beckoning eyes. The arched back is there. Chest is out. Hair is tossed. She could pass as a swimsuit model for sure. If she wanted that career, why not go for it? 

I can think of many of my favorite female singers and nearly laugh out loud imagining them posting similar photos. Aretha Franklin? Doubt that. Shemekia Copeland? Haven’t seen any. What about my favorite jazz singers? Nope, never saw Jane Monheit or Dianne Reeves publishing any such pictures. 

Most pop singers don’t even stoop so low, although celebrities with chronically sexy tweets typically work in that genre. I, for one, am so tired of the hyper-sexualization of women and girls. Not only the models being paid to pose seductively for a shoe ad or a lipstick ad or a beer commercial, but the women and girls who privately photograph themselves at parties, on vacation, or even in their own bathrooms (ahem, Demi Moore), then post for all to see.

My heart strings tighten again as I think about the attention I really craved as a girl once wild - love, care, affection and guidance. I confused that for sexual attention and succeeded only in objectifying my body, becoming self-destructive and ultimately losing the attention of those who gave it to me genuinely.

As for Rihanna’s public photo album, I yawn. Although I’m not much of a pop fan, I do find music much more interesting than a bare belly. Perhaps she can create something better than a boring old booty shot.

Prom season is upon us, a time when neighbors pose their formally dressed sons and daughters next to blooming magnolia trees and thick green bushes. Photos capture glowing smiles and young love.

I remember posing in my own driveway by the bright pink rhododendrons. I, too, was filled with teenage love for my date and felt a rush of excitement that we were privileged to go on this fancy and expensive date together, with an entire group of our closest friends.

I wore a long black gown that fell to my ankles. It had a thick black halter strap with a wider scoop neck that didn’t show any cleavage, and a slit up to the mid-calf. When I look back at photos, most of my girlfriends dressed similarly. There were some spaghetti straps. Lengths varied from floor-length to just above the knee. Most dresses fit snug but not tight.

Fast-forward almost twenty years and things have certainly changed. In 2012, it seems that sexy is best. Apparently, David’s Bridal, a store known mostly for selling wedding gowns, also sells prom dresses with one section labeled as “Sexy.” 

The Wall Street Journal published an article recently about schools around the country that are now resorting to pre-prom Power Point lectures on appropriate formal wear for girls that evening. Parents, teachers and administrators in various states were concerned when girls showed up at school dances in skirts well above the knee (imagine Britney Spears or Lady Gaga, underwear or no underwear fully visible with one small bend of the torso). 

Or the latest rage, perhaps taken from the ballroom dance style in shows like Dancing With the Stars - “cut outs.” High school girls were arriving at dances in dresses to reveal their midriffs or waists - armpit to hip bone - that appeared to have fabric mysteriously missing. 

In professional competitive dance, it is useful to see the body closely to fairly judge the skill level, however I never need to see an open back dipping down so low that it shares a plumber’s common problem, or a low-rise pant broadcasting a pubic bone. Why do women and teenage girls need to make such a show of their skin? What happened to smart and sophisticated?

I am far from a puritan and admit that I dress to flatter my body. My favorite formal attire right now is another halter top dress (love those even twenty years later) I wore to a fundraiser just a few weeks ago. The bright green fabric suits my coloring. The loose chiffon flows to my knees and has a small “key hole” in the back, up by my shoulder blades. I certainly feel smart and sophisticated in the dress. 

And okay, okay - I think I look good in it, too. Attracting attention, however, is no longer on my agenda. Neither is portraying myself as a sexual object.

So, what gives? Celebrity culture definitely seems to be inspiring the latest trends. I remember seeing Jennifer Lopez walk some red carpet in a supposed V neck dress. The V dipped down past her belly button, unveiling three quarters of her breasts and most of her bare torso. 

And the dance shows, too, not just DWTS - So You Think You Can Dance is guilty of “costuming” women in only a bra and underwear. For what point? I danced and choreographed professionally and never thought I needed to be half-naked for an audience member to learn something from my art.

Today I feel almost apologetic to women like Betty Friedan who, in the 1960’s, encouraged women to actually enjoy and engage in the act of sex. She insisted that women should feel free to express themselves sexually as men do. 

Now I feel like shouting to the heavens “Sorry, Betty! We took it too far! We misunderstood! We’ll pull it back, I promise!”

Enjoyment of sex and freedom of sexual expression have little to do with what we wear. When will we stop dressing girls like strippers and prostitutes? I can’t wait until the trend ends.